does delaying gratification make you more resilient?

I've recently been reflecting on my resilience practices (and how these have changed since I started out in 2005), as part of being a case study in a university research project about sole traders and micro business owners.

This has involved several in-depth interviews, and one of the question prompts in these about work/life balance pointedly asked me about what things make me happy in my life (when I'm not working). After I initially started to reference a few things, I quickly realised that I rarely (if ever) get to spend time in/on them as I want to, since the start of my parallel adventures as an unpaid carer (which started in Sept 2017). Which is why you might spot me stockpiling books and Lego sets - not because I'm ignoring them, but on basis of delayed gratification.

Various studies highlight how being able to defer our pleasure that we might otherwise indulge in today can actually help us generate more longer term future success (search for 'the marshmallow test' for the science and research). And these interviews made me realise how such delayed gratification has become a core strategy in my resilience - being able to image a future state in which I am enjoying those things that I can't now is a large part of helping me better keep pulling myself forward to the end of today and to be able to start tomorrow (especially when things are tougher than we'd care to admit...).

But I'm curious to know if such approaches feature in other people's thinking and actions as to how they build resilience in their businesses and for themselves (or do people turn more to immediate fixes like cheese boards and going for runs?).

    

missing the mark? what the latest research about social enterprises suggests about those who support them.

At the end of each year, most people get excited about what's behind the next door of their advent calendar, or the prospect of up to 4 weeks to indulge in unlimited mince pies.

Not me.

I look forward to the bi-annual state of the (social enterprise) sector research, that's published by Social Enterprise UK which is also released at this time of year.

(But I do also love mince pies...)

And that's because I'm always interested in what data tells us about what's really being experienced within the sector by those doing it, rather than the rhetoric of policy makers, infrastructure bodies, and people who speak about the sector - and yes, being led by the data and research does frequently see me being put in the naughty corner for the upset it can cause to other bodies because it can sometimes contradict their narratives and positions...

But to be clear: I never intentionally try to embarrass anyone publicly, but have an idea that if someone is going to be making decisions that affect their enterprise and personal future (and that of their family and wider community by association) then surely we should be offering the best-informed insights and options, because it's they who'll have to live with the consequences of those choices, not us?

So - to this latest research and what I'm reading from it (although other interpretations may be, and are, available: please check out the report yourself and draw your own conclusions): Backbone of Britain - State of Social Enterprise 2025;

and as with all research, remember to approach with caution: large data sets like these only reflect the 'main middle' - there will always be exceptional stuff happening around the edges...

the sector is very unequal

Roughly half of all social enterprises are below the VAT threshold by turnover (currently £90,000), yet their average number of employees is reported as being 6. Assuming that people aren't being employed on a 1-day week basis (the only way you could get these 2 numbers to line up), this suggest a sector that is made up of a lot of small social enterprises, with a disproportionate influence of a few very large ones on the overall picture we're being presented with.

legal structure choices and experiences continue to throw up surprises

The number of CICs in the sector appears to be starting to 'flat-line' over time (which is in keeping with longer-term trends about the numbers of CICs from the CIC Regulator), in contrast with Companies Limited by Guarantee (the most commonly used, and favourite choice for social enterprises for over half a century, before the CIC was proposed by government).

This contrast between CIC and CLG isn't constrained to their seeming popularity - CLGs are also reported as typically generating higher incomes than CICs.

But the historical OG of all legal forms continues to outpace all other choices when it comes to how large their turnovers typically are - co-op societies aren't going anywhere soon (which is also reflected in their having a far lower wind-up rate than both CICs and CLGs).

an increasingly weak financial position and outlook 

fewer social enterprises are reporting being able to generate profit, with nearly half now only able to achieve a financial break-even. But this seems to be galvanising social enterprises to focus more on making sure they're getting the most of what cash they are generating:

-  1 in 3 of all social enterprises seeking support say it's in relation to strengthening their financial management;

- there's a reducing trend of how far social enterprises are able to invest in training and development for their teams;

- there's a significant increase in social enterprises seeking support around the topic of redundancy, suggesting a sector that's starting to recognise the need to make hard choices about its future.

most social enterprise trading models remain in avoidance of delivering  public services

In keeping with historical trends, the main customer type of all social enterprises isn't the public sector to deliver contracts on behalf of, but us, the general public - only 1 in 5 social enterprises base their business model on delivering public sector contracts, and 2/3 have never engaged in this type of activity. 

But for those that do, 1/3 report struggling to engage with procurement processes and systems - suggesting still more needs to be done to level the playing field, despite 20 years of national campaigns, programmes, initiatives, and lobbying by different sector bodies.

social investment offers are increasingly out of touch with the sector?

There's a growing trend of social enterprises saying that social investment offers are too expensive and/or not designed to offer them what they need, with a growth in high street banks being turned to for finance instead.

But there's also a weaking of the wider sectors' ability to raise investment in general: the typical amounts being sought to be raised, and the likelihood of success in doing so, both continue to fall...

a determined sector, nonetheless

But in the face of the above, the social enterprise sector appears to be doggedly resilient and sheer bloody minded about finding ways to keep going:

- where investment is being sought, it's for stuff like buildings and equipment, showing a long-term strategic planning focus, rather than looking for 'quick fixes';

- similarly, the topics that make up the top 1/3 of all requests for support relate to strengthening systems for the long-term, rather than 'quick wins': governance, leadership, impact, and accessing training opportunities;

- and while the development of new offers and services continues to be the main way in which most social enterprises are seeking growth, that they're doing it with less investment shows 'frugal innovation' at work (pointing to a high degree of resilience and adaptability; although 1 in 5 also say that their ability to grow and adapt in these ways in being hampered by a lack of suitable, accessible, or appropriate support for them).

So overall, it initially looks concerning (although with some signs for hope) - but we should never read research in isolation: looking at comparable trends for both traditional charities, and private businesses, shows these themes are being similarly felt there (and usually to a more painful extent!).

And if this reflection seems overly critical, then maybe it is - but as a sector, social enterprise has huge potential if it can only plug into the right things. And from this latest mapping, it might seem that some of the things which were created to do just this for the sector may be starting to struggle to keep up with what's needed from them?

How did I get here?

I take an unusual approach to helping people understand the balance sheet part of their accounts: I play the Talking Head's song "once in a lifetime", and explain how the lyrics actually explain how this strange set of numbers can be read and understood easily by anyone.

And a core part of this activity is a lyric in the song - "how did I get here?".

But this isn't a post about accounts or David Byrne - instead, it's a roundabout why of introducing a question I was asked by an early-stage entrepreneur, as part of a Mindset for Success gathering that I was invited to speak at earlier this year. 

When they heard that I'd made it to 20 years (and in doing so, beaten the survival rate of 90% of all other businesses), they were keen to know how I'd managed it: "how did I get here?".

And it's a really good question - because as I reflect on my blog posts, annual impact reports, stories I've shared across the various podcasts I've been invited to guest on, I don't think anyone (including me) has ever really stopped to try and figure out what my 'magic fairy dust' is.

After all, if you've seen other posts I've made on my blog earlier this year, you'll have read the litany of everything I've had to endure and work through during these 2 decades - any one of which by themselves would be sufficient to kill off any business; yet I've managed to not only survive so many such critical moments, but also get to my porcelain anniversary too. So maybe there's something about how I work which might actually be quite relevant to any business?

In the session I offered a few off the cuff thoughts, but promised I'd come back to the question to try and better reflect on it, here on my blog. 

So - I currently think that the reason(s) that I've made it this far are:

1) curiosity

Not the NASA rover on Mars (although part of me is embedded onto its successor, Perseverance, that's currently trundling around the red planet).

I find myself always wondering 'why?' and 'why not?' - and on reflection realise that this has been important in stopping me from becoming complacent or stale in how I work and what I offer.

It's also meant that I've introduced new practices which have gotten me noticed more; helped me change my position on different topics and themes so I've been seen as even more credible and relevant by others; contributed to strengthening my resilience (both personally and professionally); and helped me make better sense of everything I get involved in, which has directly supported me to be able to maintain my motivation through some very trying episodes.

2) being a glass half empty guy

Normally, the person who looks at the glass and says it isn't half-full is labelled the pessimist (and therefore more likely to turn down opportunities, and otherwise miss out on life).

But my looking at the glass and seeing it as being half-empty doesn't stop there - I have an idea that what's important isn't what we see, but what we do because of how we see it: because I see the glass as being already half-empty, it means I'm always looking for the next tap (which also helps in trying to avoid complacency).

It also means that I invest more energy in contingencies (which some people will have heard me refer to as my 'professional paranoia'): because I see the glass as being already half empty, it means that I'll feel any unexpected shocks more greatly because there's less water in the glass to absorb the shock wave from it. And having a range of contingences (even if only half-formed), means I'm more confident in my resilience when things start to go off-track, and able to recover from/endure them more easily and quickly.

3) trying to say yes (not no) more

There's an 'accepted wisdom' offered by many self-proclaimed experts and coaches that we should all be trying to say 'no' more.

But I've always struggled with this, initially because of my parents.

My parents tried to instill a set of good manners in me as I was growing up - which included trying to be helpful, and offering to support people if they ask you nicely.

Over time, this has seen me developing possibly one of the most diverse portfolios of any business consultant / freelancer. And while this comes with its own challenges (how do I best summarise in 1 pithy sentence what it is I do and who its for, when I work with national government departments on new national policy initiatives one day, and a consortium of market traders the next?), it's also meant I've found myself stretching my skills and comfort zones in ways that I wouldn't otherwise have even considered trying to (or seeing the benefit of). This has been really important for how I've kept my business going for this long - because I've fingers in different types of pies, it means that if one type of work/sector/etc starts to slow down, there there's usually another that I can focus more on to keep the lights on.

It's also meant that I was well ahead of the curve when the first lockdowns hit in March 2020, based on the number of national bodies who immediately enlisted my support to remodel how they work and redeliver their respective programmes and services in the world of zoom - up to that point, video calls and events were very niche and usually avoided by many, but I'd been asked to volunteer host a national body's monthly on-line meetups that were held over zoom several years prior. This meant I'd had lots of opportunities to play with/think about how to make this format best work for as many people and circumstances as possible.

4) always looking for escape exits

I have an idea that if you know how you'd be able to quickly exit a situation, contract, etc with the least amount of blood on the carpet, it can help you take more risks - you find you enjoy it more, because you're not worrying about what might happen if things start to go wrong. And you're not worrying because you've already looked at the glass as being half empty, worked out what the major risks might be and put things in place against them, so if things do start to go off-track, you know which glass to break to active your remedy to it.

Taking more risks also means you're confident to push things further; and the more we try new things, the more unexpected and exciting things can start to happen.

      

5) enduring more than my fair share of crises

I've recently shared about the full scope of hits I've had (professionally and personally) over these 20 last years. As any of of these could easily have killed any business, but I'm still here, then I've obviously built a lot of resilience in my business to be able to cope with shocks (which I've also considered in how I've also likened myself to a toilet elsewhere).

How I've thought about, and practiced, developing resilience is covered in other blog posts, podcast conversations, etc elsewhere - but investing in building this protection (both in my business model and personal mindset) is also recognised in various studies and research as helping people to:

• have greater self-awareness (which can help avoid the Dunning-Kruger effect)
• improving your psychological health (so enjoy greater mental well-being)
• better understand, and work with, others
• enhance self-management (really important if you're a freelancer or self-employed, like me)
• better decision making     

As well as the benefits that these would offer to any business, each of these is also recognised as helping people to better manage stress (which might also explain how the long-term stresses I live and work with aren't notably affecting my professional judgements, as evidenced by my business still being here 20 years on?). And pro-actively trying to manage stresses are important, because unmanaged stress can lead to a propensity to make more mistakes; make it hard to think clearly; and cloud your sense of what you're trying to build for the long-term, which leads to demotivation, despair, and closing your business.

So Kemi Bowley, this is the fuller response I promised you in that Mindset for Success session - the reasons I think my business has outlast 90% of all others are:

- I'm curious;

- I try and be pessimistic;

- I try and say yes to everything;

- I'm always looking for a way out;

- and in enduring everything that's tries to knock my business/me over, I've created new models of resilience.

To everyone else reading this, I'd be interested to know what it is that you think has helped your business get to the age it is today (especially when so many businesses that start will be gone within the first 36 months of their launching). 

why it's good not to 'niche'

There seems to be an 'accepted wisdom', lots of encouragement, and direction for us as freelancers, sole traders, and micro enterprises, and other types of businesses, to 'niche' - focus on one specialist thing and be the best at offering that. The logic we're given for this is that it will help make us more successful because:

1. it's then quicker and easier to explain what it is you do, and so be able to establish your brand, profile, etc with less effort;
2. it's easier to build a 'higher value' offer (i.e. make more money with less effort);
3. (and probably lots of other things that I forget, because I don't actually like the idea of 'niching' as you're about to learn, so I tend to block out the rest...)

BUT...

I don't 'niche' in what I offer as a business, and I'm not sure what circumstances might have to transpire for me to want to. That's because for me, the risks associating with niching are more than 'blown out of the water' by the benefits of my remaining a 'generalist':

1. Focusing on one thing means I wouldn't be using the full scope of the skill set that I've developed and identified I have over these last 20 years. Niching for me would me killing off parts of who I am and what I can do that might otherwise be interesting, useful, and fun.
2. I have an idea that niching ultimately offers less value to the clients, groups, and people I work with. Being a one-trick pony, however world-shatteringly good I'd be at it, would mean that I can't cross connect ideas and support from other themes and topics for them, to enhance the overall impact of my support to them (which would ultimately leave them poorer from the experience of my having walked alongside them for a time, than they are now).
3. Financially, niching is very risky. While it's true that the more niche you are, then the more likelihood you'd have of being able to have higher charge; the ultra-specialism of your focus and offer would mean that there are fewer potential overall clients who'd want or need your support. And they'd all be in largely the same place - which roughly means that all your eggs are in a single basket (or jars of tahini if you're a vegan), or who are all in same boat. If there's a recession, a shift in market trends, changes legislation or policy, etc, then you may find your market disappears overnight, with nowhere to easily turn to keep yourself going.

Reflecting on all of the above, I'm left wondering of niching is ultimately a 'cop out' for people who don't want to stretch themselves in building their skills as to what they might offer clients. Or if not, that they represent a group of people who are far happier and more comfortable to take risks than me?

If the former, then it's another example of how so many businesses are accepting the guidance they're offered at face value without questioning it, even if it means it's ultimately increasing the risk that they're fail in the future? If it's the latter, then I'm OK with being a relative scaredy-cat in comparison to them.

Tubthumping

In this, my business' 20th anniversary year, most people would usually be pausing to reflect on the highlights, achievements, legacy, etc of their work, and be making commitments about what they'll change/do in the next chapter. 

And yes, I'm doing this in various places throughout 2025, but I also wanted to pause to reflect on just how f*cking awesome my reaching this milestone is (and not just because only 10% of all businesses make it this far).

You see, I've endured my share of challenges since I first registered with HMRC at the start of 2005. I've alluded to some them in brief in various podcasts and interviews I've featured in over the years (which is possibly why I'm repeatedly asked to guest on the topic of resilience - most recently as part of the Freelance Thrive and Freelance Sucks podcasts). But I thought it was maybe time to 'go in record' with all of the big hits - not to encourage you to break out the tiny violins for me, but as hopeful solidarity and encouragement for anyone else out there, who may be struggling with similar, that you can come out of the other side of it (eventually):

• When I started freelancing/became self-employed, as well as having no savings to speak of, no clients, and no leads, I was sole financial supporter of my family for 12 years. During this time, I had to earn enough to cover all the household bills and costs, family expenses (clothes, trips, entertainments, etc), as well as my own business' needs. And I also had to financially support and cover some of the costs in my now ex-wife's business that she started up, for 7 of those years.
• As a family, we were made homeless by flooding twice, and I had to make up some of costs of rebuilding our home both times, as the insurance wouldn't cover everything - managing the rebuilding of your home, trying to encourage and support your family (which included young children) as they bounce around various temporary accommodations, whilst also keeping your own business running, were 3 plates that I'm not sure I always managed to balance as well as I should have. 
• I went through a divorce with my ex-wife that took a lot longer than my solicitor's experience said it should have - amongst other things connected with this, the process saw me disowned by my parents; lose my savings; and cede full ownership of the house I'd paid the full mortgage of. So at the age of 50, I started my life again with no house (other than the one I rent with my new wife); no savings; and no pension (many people who are self-employed of my generation have tended to buy their home as their pension fund).
• I've become the unpaid carer for 2 of my now adult children (likely lifelong), and another immediate family member (likely to be temporary) - and owing to how systems are designed (or not) for people like me, there's no support I'm able to access, nor am eligible to apply for, to support me in this role, nor them.
• My father has suffered through multiple sudden illnesses that technically should have killed him at least twice on each occasion, and he lives with my mum at the other end of the country to me - trying to keep all of the above progressing, whilst also taking time out to be with him and my mum as best I was able, meant that some of those plates I mentioned before probably weren't as balanced as well as they should have been.
• I've had several clinical procedures on one of my eyes to help me retain my sight in it (which also involved the wearing of eye patches, and not being able to read laptop or phone screens for several days at a time. But it did lead to an accidental discovery that I've always been missing part of my brain...).
• Following an unexpected ride in the back of an ambulance, I needed several years of treatments to help me resolve, and live with, skeletal issues (that were diagnosed just before my 40th birthday, and coincided with my celebrating my 10th year of being in business). As a result of these prolonged works on me, I'm able to move freely and without the need for painkillers on most days.
• I had surprise visit from police officers at 11pm one night, owing to unfounded allegations other people had made about me; and have had to break off client calls while working from home owing to neighbours (literally) kicking off at my family, on my doorstep. 
• The CIC Regulator opened a file on me once, because I openly questioned them about why they were knowingly allowing the CIC form to force social enterprises adopting it to compromise some of their core defining values that otherwise identified them as such.  
• There was a spell of about 5 years, when there was at least 1 client a year who was making official complaints about me (all of which were fully investigated by external bodies, and all of which fully exonerated me).
• I've been investigated by HMRC 3 times for suspected tax fraud (and fully cleared each time).
• Several people have written blogs attacking my professional reputation, standing, and credibility; and I've also been un-invited from speaking at conferences, after my book that challenges what everyone thinks they know and understand about imposter syndrome was published.
• My website has had to be taken down twice, owing to it becoming targeted in deliberate attacks by others.
• And I once had to write off a nearly £10,000 overdue invoice to a client that had accumulated over the course of a year - I was working with them on the basis that they were drawing funds from a grant making body to pay me, but they'd hit a temporary cash-flow hiccup as some Councils they were delivering contracts for were dragging their feet in paying them on time. I'd agreed they could use the cash that they'd received to pay me to temporarily plug this gap while I continued with the project, and then 'catch me up' with payments after said Councils cleared their overdue debts. Except those Councils never did pay up, and the enterprise went into administration.

And there's all the other typical challenge that most freelancers / sole traders contend with: ghosted by clients; late payment of invoices; tech explosions; falling ill; etc...

I've endured, navigated, and come through the other side (of the ones I was able to - some will remain with me for life), without access or recourse to sick pay, holiday pay, or any other employee assistance programme that I would otherwise been supported by were I salaried on a payroll. Being self-employed has meant I've had to find ways to deal with all of the above by myself, without help from anyone else.

I've written in the past about how I also find myself working in some vary 'dark places' with certain types of clients, (which I won't recant here, as they're usually to do with taboo subjects that most people find difficult to talk about, let alone ever want to actively acknowledge or think about). And as part of that blog post, how I deliberately try and bring some 'humour' to go some way to balance this (for both the people I work with who are living in/with those circumstances, as well as myself). 

But in light of the above, is it any wonder that my humour seems to sometimes border on the hysterical?

As Spider-Man once said in one of the many comics he's appeared in: when asked why he's always telling jokes despite the multiple traumas he's endured in his personal life: "It's because if I didn't laugh, I'd probably cry".

And the moral of the above (if there is one?) - however much you think things can't get any worse, the universe can always find a way of making it so... but if can hold your nerve and find ways to keep investing in your resilience, there's always a choice somewhere that can help you come out of the other side of it (and if you're lucky, in a way that doesn't include you having to lose any limbs/organs, or have things start to come to light when you next get a DBS check on yourself).