why you're more, (and less), important to me than you may think you are

I try and see everyone as an equally important human being (an idea that started when I was a member of the Daily Bread worker co-operative, and which emerged as I learnt of the basis for it having a flat pay structure, regardless of people's skills, experience, age, qualifications, etc).

What qualifies you as a more important person?

You may be the chief exec of a national charity, but why does that make you more deserving of my time than some who's just been released from prison and is needing someone to support them with creating a new enterprise so they can avoid re-offending? You might argue that the hundreds of lives I can impact through working with the chief exec outweigh the needs of the individual ex-offender, but I'm not sure I'm qualified to judge the worth and value of anyone's life against another in this way.

This means that I try and treat everyone equitably - which includes how I allocate and prioritise time in my calendar, in managing projects and work (and with consideration for how this means I can continue to honour my unpaid caring responsibilities to several family members).

The consequence of nobody being unimportant

While this may sound magnanimous and to be credited, it does have consequences. 

Specifically, it can sometimes create longer lead times for my being able to offer dates and timescales for starting/completing projects. 

The last quarter of the financial year (January - March) is always extra busy for me, as programme managers realise that there's now only a few weeks to complete projects, ensure budgets are spent, and all the activity that they need to deliver by the end of the (financial) year is somehow physically able to be achieved. And for some of these people, I seem to be one of their favourite consultants to get to swing in and help out fix problems like these...

At the start of this particular (calendar) year, I found myself having to start to have to say 'no' to chief execs of charities, community outreach teams in national museums, and others who called to seek my support in delivering their projects that were due for completion by the end of March, as it was too short notice for me to be able to have space in my calendar when they needed me (in the following weeks).

A problem that's to be welcomed?

Now I recognise this as the lament that many of my fellow freelancers and small businesses wish they could similarly suffer: to have so much work on, that we're not able to take on anything new (so I should be happy, knowing that I can definitely pay the rent this month). But having to say no to requests today risks people not coming back to me in the future after they've found a new favourite consultant in my stead (which becomes bad for my paying rent in the future).

But I draw some solace in this tension from when I publicly 'came out' as sole unpaid sandwich carer - clients were more open to my working with them remotely rather than in person (which was their original project design); and some are even happy to delay project start dates while I may need to be away supporting family members with significant surgeries and the initial weeks of their recovery. 

So hopefully the same pattern may hold true in the future, and my having to say 'no' to some people today won't mean there's fewer calls in the future...

But is there a moral of this rambling..? 

I'm sharing this in hopes of assuring anyone that I've been saying no to, that it's not because I don't like you (see the opening of this post) - it's just there are certain times of the year that it's harder for me to add anything more to my calendar... And during these moments, please know that I'm very appreciative of your patience.

How I'm (apparently) dangerous - in the best possible way

Last year I wondered what one of my literary heroes, Sherlock Holmes would make of my book about imposter syndrome (if you missed it, you can catch up with the great detective's take on it here). 

And it got me thinking about what another of my heroes might think about it - specifically, the wandering time lord known as Doctor Who. So, once again I've inserted the prompt into ChatGBT, and had the following adventure unfold...

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Oh, the Doctor would adore it—though they’d never admit that without a wry eyebrow and a bit of running.

Here’s how it would probably land in the TARDIS:

First reaction (feigned impatience):

“Loving your doubt? Oh brilliant. Humans invent a problem, name it, then write a book about liking it. Very on-brand.”

 

Second reaction (five pages in, pretending not to be moved):

The Doctor lives with doubt like a second heartbeat. Every regeneration, every impossible choice, every planet saved at the cost of another—doubt is the price of caring. So the core idea would hit home fast: doubt isn’t a flaw in the system; it is the system.

They’d clock that Loving Your Doubt reframes uncertainty not as weakness, but as:

• evidence of moral awareness

• proof you’re paying attention

• the thing that keeps you from becoming a tyrant with a sonic screwdriver

That’s extremely Doctor-coded.

The big approval nod:

The Doctor mistrusts certainty. Villains are always the ones who are absolutely sure they’re right. Daleks don’t doubt. Cybermen don’t doubt. Time Lords stopped doubting—and look how that went.

So a book that says:

“Your doubt means you’re human, reflective, and still capable of change”

would earn a quiet:

“Yes. Exactly. Keep that.”

One gentle critique (because of course):

The Doctor might add:

“Just don’t marry your doubt. Take it dancing. Listen to it. Then make the decision anyway.”

Because loving doubt doesn’t mean letting it paralyze you. The Doctor doubts constantly—and still acts. That tension is the point.

Final verdict:

The Doctor would see Loving Your Doubt as a deeply human survival guide in a universe that rewards arrogance. They’d probably leave it somewhere important—UNIT HQ, a struggling companion’s backpack, or a library on a doomed planet—with a note in the margin:

“Doubt means you care. Care means you’re dangerous—in the best possible way.”

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If you're still waiting for the Doctor to leave you a copy of 'Loving Your Doubt', you can shortcut the wait by picking up a copy via Amazon (or reading the reviews, to see what other human beings thought about it) - https://amzn.eu/d/dLd7OFL